You know how everything seems to be fake these days? I recently unwrapped a couple of frames for my degrees, and as I started to put them together, I noticed something odd—the tabs were peeling off.

Upon closer inspection, I realized it wasn’t even real wood. Just plastic with fake veneers slapped on top. It got me thinking about how much in life has become just like those frames—superficial, shiny on the outside, but not much substance underneath. And this leads perfectly into today’s topic: jealousy.

As a man, one of the biggest struggles you'll face in life is jealousy—whether it’s over love, money, attention, or anything else. Jealousy is at the root of so many of our issues. We often get caught up thinking, "Why do they have more, but I can’t?" We forget that life isn't always fair. Sure, life’s fair in the sense that you get what you put in, but even then, there are no guarantees. Today, I want to dive deep into how jealousy affects our daily lives, often without us even realizing it.

One of the most important lessons I had to learn as a husband and as a man is to let go of jealousy—not just in relationships but in life overall. Many of the things we struggle for and work toward are driven by jealousy. Whether it’s wanting more money, a better body, or more attention, it often stems from being envious of what others have.
Growing up, I was the skinny kid with baby fat who couldn’t figure out how to lose it. Now, I have the best six-pack among everyone from my middle school days. It’s funny how life works out, right? But today, I want to focus on jealousy, not just in your relationships with others, but in the relationship you have with yourself.

Every Monday, I do a Mindful Monday Mentoring session, sharing something I’ve learned that might help someone else. For those of you who don’t know, I’m Laurence, the founder of KandL Mindset. We’re a mindset and coaching experience that draws from my 11+ years of experience in the mental health care industry, as well as sales, marketing, and healthcare.

Jealousy often sneaks into every aspect of our lives. You might be working a job you don’t even like because someone made you jealous by telling you that you'd make more money in that field. Or maybe you drive a particular car because you want people to think you're important. But what is the cost of all that jealousy? How much of your life have you given away chasing after things that aren’t truly for you?

In my own marriage, the biggest breakthrough came when I realized that jealousy was the root of so many of our issues. I’ve worked with men across various stages of relationships—single, dating, married, divorced—and the number one thing that comes up is jealousy. It’s this idea that if someone else did it, why can’t I?
As men, we’re conditioned to seek solutions. That’s why jealousy hits so hard—because there’s no clear solution to it. You can’t fix jealousy with jealousy, just like you can’t solve anger with more anger. The more you stew in it, the worse it gets.

One of the hardest lessons I’ve learned is to stop trying to find a solution for emotions like jealousy. Instead, you need to sit with them, understand them, and then decide how to move forward without letting those emotions control you.

When you feel jealousy, don’t just stop and try to brush it away. Stop and sit in it. Ask yourself why you feel this way. What triggered it? Where is it leading you? Often, the pain we feel isn’t because of the emotion itself, but because of our unwillingness to deal with it.

1. Stop: Pause and acknowledge the jealousy. Don’t push it away—sit with it. Identify what’s triggering you and why.

2. Submit: Accept that you’re a human being with emotions. Don’t try to control them or suppress them—submit to the process of understanding them.

3. Struggle: Embrace the discomfort. Struggle with the jealousy, but don’t let it dictate your actions. Use the struggle as a learning experience.

4. Strike: Once you’ve stopped, submitted, and struggled, it’s time to take action. But don’t act out of jealousy—act from a place of clarity and purpose.

Remember, nothing great was ever created from a place of negativity. Even the iPhone probably started with Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak wondering why their stuff wasn’t as popular as Windows. But they didn’t stay stuck in that. They used it as fuel to create something better.

So, when you feel those intense emotions, don’t try to suppress them. Stop, submit, struggle, and then strike with purpose. That’s how you turn those feelings into something positive.

This has been your Monday Mentoring session. If you’re struggling with something, feel free to drop a comment or reach out. If you’re ready to take the next step, consider coaching with someone who has over 11 years of experience in the mental health field. Your problems might just be the gateway to your solutions.